You are not dramatic for thinking that your day does not feel like a “bad day” but it feels like you are having a bad life! I am that way too!
If you are in need of money and it keeps you up at night, that can be fixed by getting a job. If you are in need of companionship, you go make friends, adopt a dog, or learn to be lonely. But, my friend, you cannot heal a broken heart.
That becomes a part of you. Like an internal scar that will never fade no matter how much alcohol you consume to destroy it, no matter how much you go out with your friends to “forget” it.
Throughout my life, I have accepted things for what they are. It was not an easy journey to “accept” the bitter truths of life: death, grief, broken people hurting you while they are trying to heal themselves, narcissists far and near, unhealed individuals desperate to take your light, and heartbreak of all kinds.
One of my biggest heartbreak is failing myself by not pursuing my dreams, not sticking to what I love doing and following my heart when I was younger. Maybe I wasn’t putting in enough effort? Belief? Was I too dependent on other people’s validation to make me good enough?
I carry this burden deep within as I carry on with my life. And as I try so hard to heal, I believe that heartbreak comes with a silver lining. If you are brave enough to look at yourself in the mirror and accept your scars and sorrows, you will be fine because my heart may be broken but I gained resilience and confidence, and I’m still here!
Being older now, I’m trying to make up for my indecisiveness, lack of effort, and all those wasted times when I could have followed my dreams during my youth.
Instead of furthering my career and living in the highest of the highest of my potential, I travel to concerts to soothe my teenage soul of wanting to venture outside that concrete pavement in front of my parent’s house. I buy that Breaking Benjamin CD album and that expensive Illenium merch to validate that my childhood passion for music was real and not just a phase. Sometimes I think I could have had it all by now.
It took years of self-discovery, self-reflection, tears, long solo car rides, long afternoon naps, lonely walks by the lake, numerous Spotify playlists of songs to cry to, and retail therapy to accept life and all that comes with it.
In time, I get older as everyone else does. I realized more. I get used to waking up. I get used to doing my taxes every year. I get used to going home when the night comes. And then all those scars I’ve collected from the past and along the way gets deeply buried underneath all the layers and layers of past memories.
In my opinion, nothing heals, but it is worth trying to do something about it. I often think about the moment when I will become 70-something years old. I long to be in that stage of my life where I will forget names, places, and things. By that time, death is already at my doorstep. Thus, nothing can hurt me anymore.
Through all the heartbreaks I carried, what makes life worth living is coming out in the end as a better person.
DISCLAIMER: All that is written is based on my own personal opinion.
SoMelancholy 
Leave a comment